


seeing stars, sinking these dreams

by sunflowerwitches



Series: us against the sunrise [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Halloween, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, Trick or Treating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:36:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27105091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowerwitches/pseuds/sunflowerwitches
Summary: dan's daughter finally demands to go trick or treating on halloween, much to dan's delight, but he isn't aware that he'd get a treat of his owntitle from star ~ loona
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: us against the sunrise [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1985479
Comments: 29
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

If you had told Dan ten years ago that he would be taking his six year old daughter out for her first trick or treating session in 2020, Dan would have laughed at you straight in the face.

It’s not that he didn’t want children of his own, but he didn’t think he would have had them, that’s the whole point. It was a complete accident, and he knows that, but that didn’t mean that he regretted it.

He always labelled himself as queer, or ironically _unlabelled_ , because at least for him, sexuality is fluid, and he doesn’t think he could strictly say his sexuality is towards any one gender or person in his life. He could happily find himself dating men for the rest of his life, or women or anyone in between but saying he could strictly only date those people is just wrong to him. He doesn’t care what flesh organ is between your legs, as long as you are a person he can vibe with.

He still pretty much sticks to that in his older age, at almost thirty years old, but things are different. He has a child, from a relationship he had years ago that he now looks back on and laughs, because he’s learnt a lot about himself in that time and he isn’t the same person.

He did get a small little daughter, his pride and joy called Alice, out of it though and he couldn’t be too mad. She is six years old and full of attitude, just like her father. It’s almost like you can tell who grew her up. The mother isn’t really in the scene anymore and that’s for reasons of her own. She never wanted children and that’s completely okay. Dan would rather she wasn’t in Alice’s life if she couldn’t commit to her.

That’s a simple thing to ask of someone. Dan thinks anyway.

Raising a child wasn’t something that came naturally to Dan, but along the way, he did learn things and he would class himself as a good parent.

That’s if the smile spreading across as Dan finishes all the final pieces of her Halloween costume is anything to say about his parenting skills.

“Daddy are you almost done?! I want to go!” She says, the exact same whine that Dan knows he does himself (like father like daughter), whilst stamping her little feet into the hardwood flooring of their living room.

She wanted to go as a witch for Halloween. She had said it enough as soon as she realised Halloween existed a few months ago, after watching a Disney Halloween movie that in hindsight, Dan shouldn’t have let her watch at her young age.

“Almost, just the finishing touches,” He replies gently, tying a small bit of ribbon around her neck in lieu of a choker because it’s prettier than the usual plastic one’s kids wear nowadays. Without question, he reaches for the leftover pieces of black glossy ribbon off the side and ties it into her small pigtails either side of her head, making her light brown curls stand out completely.

“There you go, done.”

“Do I look pretty?” She says softly, smiling widely up at him as inspects the work he has done.

“The prettiest,” He smiles, pressing a small kiss onto her forehead before standing up, his knees making a small crack sound as he does. He ignores it because he knows he is not getting any younger.

He pads his way over to the sofa in front of the television, to grab his phone off charge and turning off the cheesy naughties pop playlist he had on whilst he was getting Alice ready for trick or treating.

“You ready to go then?” Dan says loudly as he turns around, seeing Alice staring back at him with big brown eyes.

“Can you take a picture to send Nanny first?”

“Sure,” Dan chuckles, before opening his camera app and taking a few photos of Alice. She poses like a champ, learning it from her father. There is one where she’s innocently smiling away at the camera and a few photos afterwards she’s pouting and throwing a peace sign. She _definitely_ did learn that from her father.

He makes quick work of getting her out of the house, because if she had her own way, she’d demand an entire photoshoot to send to her grandmother. He is happy that they had a close relationship though, for that he is grateful. The first few years of her life he heavily relied on his mother to give him tips and tricks on raising a child of his own and that just ended up with her having a role in Alice’s life.

Alice goes to his mother’s almost every weekend, sometimes he takes weekends out for himself, but it depends on his work schedule. Being your own employer and employee brings its pros and cons, but Dan doesn’t regret the life he has for himself. He loves writing and he loves having several projects under his wing that bring him joy. It is just that sometimes he has to sacrifice personal time to do research, whenever that comes available to him.

“How does this work then?” Dan asks his daughter as he locks their front door behind him, feeling the cool fresh air against his exposed ankles making him regret the cuffed jeans and low rise trainers. He _knows_ exactly how Halloween and trick or treating runs, and he _knows_ that his daughter knows he knows but there’s no harm in asking.

Making conversation.

“Well, daddy,” She rolls her eyes with a smile as she begins, as if to confirm her annoyance with equal parts amusement that she has to educate her own father on how Halloween works. “I look cute. They see how cute I look. They give me sweets. Simple.”

“Oh right,” Dan chuckles. “As long as you know the culture behind it.”

“Yes, Halloween is a _trasdishon_ from ages and ages ago and I have to respect it,” She rolls her eyes again as they begin walking down their driveway.

Dan takes pride in his driveway. It isn’t perfect by any means but before he started working on it before he took his self employment seriously and now it’s come a long way. There are rose bushes threading the pathway to the street and ivy wrapping around the front of the house, along with an apple tree at the front where Dan has always taken the apples from to make snacks with Alice since they moved here.

“Good girl.”

“Are we not getting in the car?” She frowns, standing by their big black car like that’s the only possible solution to get sweets.

“Alice, there are other houses on this street that are prime real estate for sweets,” Dan says, this time allowing him to roll his eyes.

She shrugs, running off slowly in front of Dan to get to the first house. Achieving sweets is very serious business, Dan agrees.

Dan takes a look around the street in front of them, seeing the sea of children going to doors, knocking and ringing doorbells. He can almost hear the screams of ‘trick or treat’ from every single child in the neighbourhood.

He couldn’t lie, it did make him very excited. He never really got the chance to go trick or treating as a child because no one could take him, with his parents being busy _all_ the time and his nan being far too old to case a hyperactive Dan around the streets for hours on end.

That’s why it makes him very excited to be taking Alice out for the first time. If he had his own way, he would have taken her out years ago, but there’s a line and his mother always told him to wait off as long as possible before introducing sweets and chocolate to children because once they know it exists, he wouldn’t hear the end of it. That being said, Alice has been very good, knowing sweets have existed for a while but still wanting fruit as a treat more often than not.

Anyway, he has been very excited to take her trick or treating since she asked about it in August, and that’s why when they make it to the first house’s front door, he is almost overwhelmed with excitement for her.

He watches as she apprehensively takes the steps up to their front door, turning around to look for her father as she does so. He nods softly at her to continue, so she knows she’s doing the right thing and watches as she knocks on the hardwood front door.

He must zone out for a second because all he hears suddenly is a scream of _trick or treat_ which makes him smile before Alice comes running down the driveway to meet her father’s feet again.

“Hey baby, how was it?” He says as she reaches for his hand to hold it as they walk to the next house.

“It was so fun! They gave me so many sweets and said I was the cutest witch ever!”

“That’s because you are,” Dan smiles, already following her as she gives him gentle yet harsh tugs to hurry up to the next front door.

“I can maybe share with you if you want, I think I’m going to have lots,” She says proudly, nodding her head at the end of the sentence.

“Is that right?” Dan laughs, letting go of her hand as she walks up to the front door of the next house.

She doesn’t have time to knock though, because instead the door comes flying open and all Dan hears is a small _oh!_ from the person walking out of the door.

“Oh my god, aren’t you the coolest witch ever?” The man exclaims as he stops in his doorway. It’s clear that he is going somewhere, hence the abrupt door opening.

“Thank you!” Alice smiles proudly, stretching her arms out to show him her sweet bag. Dan chuckles behind his hand as her boldness. He does not think she got that from him, but he can’t be sure, he does always get what he wants so it’s possible.

“Oh, do you want sweets?” He exclaims, gasping at the end as if that is a shock of his evening, blissfully aware that it is Halloween night. That could be plausible if it were not for the dark red horn headband that he has across his head, dark black quiff styled through it neatly.

“I think I deserve them!”

“That probably is true,” The man laughs as he throws a handful or two of his sweets in her bag. The man looks over at Dan and nods politely, assuming she is his child, and Dan nods back.

“Are you a witch too?”

“What?” He replies, chuckling at the end and Dan knows in no doubt that he is confused. He is too.

“How did you know I was coming?”

“Well see, I have a little secret.”

“What?” Alice gasps, taking a step back to accommodate him moving forward.

“Well, one second,” The man points his index finger to Alice’s direction to instil that in her brain before turning around and shouting something incoherent inside of his home.

Dan isn’t sure what’s going on but before long, a stampede of steps come into Dan’s hearing and a small girl comes out of the front door, dressing head to toe in white with wings behind her back. Her sweet bag is decorated with white lace and Dan thinks it’s the cutest thing he has ever seen in a while.

“I have a little girl wanting to go trick or treating too, and we were about to leave,” He says simply, smiling at Dan as he does and Dan can’t help but smile back, like he’s known this man for his entire life.

“You can come with us!” Alice screams excitedly, suddenly almost making the man in front of her jump and Dan is sure he would have if it wasn’t for him definitely being used to small girls being overly excited for absolutely anything. “You look very pretty by the way!”

“Thank you,” The little girl says quietly, moving to hide behind Phil’s leg, grabbing his hand as she does. Dan thinks this is incredibly sweet and endearing, knowing that his _assumed?_ daughter must be very comfortable around him to put her complete trust in him in situations where she is unsure.

Alice used to be like that until she wasn’t, and grew into this overly confident little girl.

“I’m not sure,” The man says nervously, biting his lip as he does. Dan knows that look as much as anyone. He’s been in that situation many times, as a child himself and as an adult, not wanting to invite yourself to other people’s things.

“You can come,” Dan speaks up, croaking a little as he does, before clearing his throat and speaking up again. “If you want, you can tag along?”

“Are you sure?” The man asks, equal parts apprehensive and nervous, on edge.

“Sure, I need someone to rein my crazy demon child in,” Dan chuckles as he looks over at Alice, who isn’t best pleased by that comment but quickly shrugs it off by jumping up and down again in front of this man and his little girl.

“I’m not a crazy demon I promise!”

“Okay, okay,” The man laughs under his breath before kneeling down and looking at the child behind his leg. “Are you okay with going with me and this man, and his definitely not crazy demon child?”

With that, Dan sees a small smile spread across the girls face and a small nod occurs and then the man stands up and takes a hold of his daughter's hand before walking down.

“Come on then, if we’re going to get some sweets!”

Alice jumps up and down one final time before running down the steps ahead of the man and his daughter. She doesn’t stop there though and grabs the other girl’s hand as quickly as she could and politely forces her

Dan is about to tell her to stop when the man speaks up first.

“It’s fine, Hanna really needs some exposure to some loud and proud kids.”

“If you’re sure,” Dan chuckles nervously, looking at the two girls in front of them chatting away – he says that as if it isn’t just Alice doing the talking.

“Phil,” The man says, reaching his hand out across to Dan to offer a handshake.

Dan takes it after a few seconds hesitation, smiling as he replies, “Dan.”

“Nice to meet you, Dan.”

“Nice to meet you too, Phil.”

They talk for a little while, idly chit-chatting about this and that as they watch their daughters go to houses upon houses, collecting sweets. It’s kind of sweet for Dan to see his daughter engage with another person her own age.

He doesn’t feel guilty for it because of course, it isn’t his fault, but she never really grew up with anyone her own age. She had him, his mother and only very recently did she have Louise (Dan’s high school friend) and her daughter who is just turning one this month. He tried to get her to interact with other children her own age, but he struggled to maintain friendships with parents and other than her few days a week in preschool, she didn’t really get much engagement.

He worried about her a lot, and her development. Whilst she was developing way faster than kids her age in speaking and motor skills, her sociability lacked, and he didn’t want Alice to go through what he did growing up.

So, it’s very nice to see her interacting like a normal child, within reason, with another child.

“So, I assume your wife forced you to take your daughter out tonight?”

“How heteronormative of you, Phil,” Dan gasps, faking shock as he put his hand on his heart to add extra drama.

“Oh my god no! I didn’t mea-“

“No, Phil. It’s good, I was kidding,” Dan says reaching out and placing his hand on Phil’s shoulder before really thinking about how touching someone is probably very weird when Dan has known them just over an hour.

“Right.”

“No, I don’t have a wife. I raise Alice alone actually,” Dan says casually, kicking a rock as he does. He doesn’t want to pretend it doesn’t hurt, because he knows how much easier it would be to raise a child with someone else, or at least Alice’s mother in the equation. It doesn’t hurt _really_ but he knows it would be a better living situation.

“Oh same,” Phil is quick to reply and Dan sees an open window to joke.

“You raise Alice alone?” Dan teases.

“Obviously not,” Phil rolls his eyes, smiling as he does. “I adore her. The ground she walks on and everything she touches but she was a product of a horrific one night stand.”

“Really?” Dan asks before he realises that may be overstepping. But Phil would not have said it if he didn’t feel comfortable talking about it.

“I was at a wedding and got really drunk,” Phil quickly looks around for what Dan can only assume is little ears, which he finds adorable. “One thing led to another and I _you know_ with a random woman. I don't know what came over me because I'm gay. She didn’t want a child, but I asked if she would keep Hanna and let me have her. It was my mistake. Luckily, she did, I’d have been completely accepting if she said no but I’m so glad she said she would.”

“Yeah no completely.”

“What about you?”

“Huh?” Dan snaps his head around, frown growing on his head out of confusion.

“I just shared a really personal story with someone I’ve just met, strange, isn’t it? It feels like I’ve known you for a while.”

“I feel that too,” Dan says, smiling and looking into those big blue eyes that he’s been heart eyeing all evening. He looks up at Phil’s hair and remembers that the adorable little horns in his hair and reaches his hand up to flick one of them. “What are these though?”

“That hurt, Dan,” Phil whines.

“No, it didn’t.”

“How would you know?” Phil whines some more.

“They aren’t real,” Dan deadpans, trying desperately not to smile but he's sure his eyes are deceiving him.

“How would you _know_?” Phil repeats himself, waggling his eyebrows for effect.

“You’re an idiot.”

~*~

The rest of the evening is as fun as it began, just with the added additions of Phil and Hanna, which Dan isn’t really complaining about. Like he has thought to himself multiple times throughout the night, he loves that Alice has had someone to speak to this evening that isn’t him, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss her. Just a tiny bit.

They decided after another hour or so of walking the streets for tasty treats that they should call it a night, especially when Hanna begins to fall asleep in Phil’s arms on the last ten minutes of their journey. It’s a good decision.

Walking all of the way back to their street, they stop outside of Phil’s, walking up the steps to the front door. Dan didn’t pay attention last time he was here a few hours ago but now he is properly taking it in. It is nowhere near as pretty as Dan’s front garden (he can say that, he is humble enough) but there is still something about it.

It looks like Phil has done absolutely nothing to his front garden, but it still looks like _someone_ has. Dan is sure no one has, it’s just the charm of Phil. Everything looks pretty.

“You know, it’s actually really weird that I’ve lived in this house for a few months now and I’ve not seen you before?” Phil says, bringing Dan out of his gardening thoughts. Dan looks at him and sees a shy smile spreading across his face as he looks down to the floor. “Maybe call it Halloween magic?”

“That is _not_ a thing.”

“Okay but,” Phil steps forward to Dan, looking like a child who wants to get his own way, but Dan has raised children long enough to not give in. He’s still quiet due to the sleeping child in his arm, head resting in his neck.

“No,” Dan says quietly, shaking his head slowly as he does. It sounds blunt but he knows Phil knows he doesn’t mean it. The smile on both of their faces says a lot.

“Daddy, can we go home now?” Alice says tiredly behind him. She’s hanging onto him barely by a thread and Dan is scared that if he doesn’t get her to bed right now, she may collapse on the floor.

“I should go,” Dan says, turning his head back to Phil. The smiles haven’t gone, on Phil’s face anyway and by the way his face is starting to ache, he doesn’t think his has either.

“Yeah,” Phil says matching Dan’s quiet voice. “I’ll see you?”

“Yeah,” Dan replies, maybe too quickly.

“I’ll see you,” Phil replies, repeating himself but this time with more confidence in his tone. He also reaches up, resting his hand on Dan’s upper arm for a second before sliding it off, making sure to keep the palm of his hand touching Dan’s arm as it slides, leaving at Dan’s hand after lingering for a minute.

Phil turns around, carrying Hanna into his home and he doesn’t turn around to look at Dan when he closes the door behind him, leaving Dan wondering how this evening panned out this way.


	2. Chapter 2

“Yeah, yeah. I got it.”

“Do you though?”

“Yeah,” Dan sighs, running his hand through his hair. He hates how frustrating it is. He’s told people time and time again that he loves his job, because truth be told, he does. He adores it. He would want nothing more than to be a writer for the rest of his life.

Nonetheless, the whole experience of being your own boss, just isn’t realistic. There’s always someone above you, which of course makes sense and is helpful in most respects because if Dan was truly on his own, he wouldn’t really be where he is right now in terms of success.

But he wants the freedom. He likes the idea of being able to have a writer's block and completely fucking up writing something in a personal deadline and having to push the final piece backwards. He doesn’t like the fact that if he doesn’t get the piece done by the end of the week that there will be consequences.

Maybe that’s the whiny child inside of him coming out, because adult life usually means consequences. He shouldn’t be scared of consequences because he shouldn’t even have to think of what they are, he should get the job done and that be it. But the whiny child in him wants otherwise.

“Okay good. I’m putting my life on the line here for you, Daniel.”

_Daniel_.

He knows she only calls him Daniel when she’s absolutely serious and he hates it. He’s only been called Daniel a handful of times. One, when he had a breakdown a few years ago about his career path and he rang Louise for advice. And another when she said she was proud of him for completing his first book all those years ago.

“I know, I know. I have just been stuck for time; Alice has been needing me.”

“Daniel, I have a child too you know?”

“I know,” He sighs, because this time (and ashamedly this time alone) he isn’t using it as an excuse. He just had to do things. With his daughter. Like go trick or treating and make a kick-ass outfit for her. You know, the important things?

“I know it’s a lot of work to be a single parent, that’s why I’m cutting you some slack.”

“I know, thank you.”

“Just please don’t let me look like a dick in front of my boss,” Louise laughs down the phone to him, the crackle of the phone call rustling in his ears. He cringes at it and immediately feels guilt threading through his veins because of it.

“I promise, love you, Lou.”

“Love you too, Dan.”

Dan puts his phone back upside down on his desk with a sigh and looks back at his laptop. An empty Microsoft Word document, that is meant to be at least ten thousand words by the end of the week.

Like that is going to happen.

Writer's block is a huge metaphorical dick. If Dan could write an aesthetically pleasing poetic definition for writer's block, he would-

Well, he wouldn’t. That’s the whole point.

He wanted to write something for this new book that would inspire people. The prompt he decided for this new book was mental health and his own journey. It would stick in the reader's mind for long after they finished the book but all that could come to mind was absolutely shit.

He had the ideas up in his mind but when he put fingers to keyboard – because Louise made him promise he would never write all of his notes on paper again after the leak that occurred in his last apartment ruining every single one of his notes – nothing happened.

When he dropped Alice off at school, all bright eyed and ready for the day ahead, he promised himself that he would get at least some of it done. That was a few hours ago, and so far, Dan has nothing other than a small stick doodle of him and Phil on a date holding hands with a bunch of love hearts around it.

Embarrassing and he would make sure it has been properly disposed of before anyone, especially Alice, stepped foot in the house. Especially Alice, because she would definitely run to her new best friend’s house as soon as she saw it to announce it.

Dan couldn’t think of anything worse.

Actually, he could. Alice not saying anything and if by the off chance they all meet up again, which is likely been as Phil lives two houses down from him, she could bring it up casually.

_”Daddy, what was that little drawing I saw on your work desk?”_

_“What, love?”_

_“The one of you and Hanna’s daddy holding hands.”_

Dan thinks that he would literally melt into the ground never to be seen again if that were to happen. It’s not like he’s never had a crush before, so he doesn’t know why he’s acting up like this. They spent a maximum of two hours together trick or treating with their children, _by accident_ and Dan is hung up.

He feels like a complete teenager having their first crush. And that’s why he is sure that in a few days, maybe a week or so, that he would get over it.

He has to, really. He could never live with himself if someone found out that he had a crush on someone he’s never really spoken to before, other than in a parental situation where he didn’t even have an opportunity to show his best flirting moves.

And that’s even if Phil felt the same way. Which of course he doesn’t.

Phil would be a fool to have fallen for Dan with what Dan had thrown on the table that evening – absolutely nothing.

Groaning, he shuts his laptop lid and grabs his phone, keys, and a small leather jacket before heading out of the front door to get some fresh air. His work can be finished later.

Maybe.

~*~

It turns out fresh November air is going to a local coffee shop. Coffee is clearly equal to the mixture of oxygen, carbon dioxide and nitrogen to Dan, and no one is going to argue otherwise with him today.

He quickly orders his coffee, after being in the queue for a small five minutes and sits down on one of the far tables in the shop. The table he’s chosen is one of those really cosy ones, with actual sofas that you would find in your lounge on one side and two usual dining chairs on the other side. He obviously chooses to sit on the sofa for comfort rather than practically.

Dan’s fingers wrap around his warm cup, takeaway because he can never trust himself to finish a mug in time before he needs to go somewhere else. Instead, he doesn’t have anywhere else to be right now. Well, not really right away. He has a few hours before he needs to pick up Alice from school, and those few hours can be spent in the coffee shop.

He’s decided.

He lifts the cup up to inhale the freshly made coffee and sickly sweet caramel syrup and takes a sip, sighing quietly to himself at the taste. He doesn’t drink coffee all too often, mainly because his therapist told him constant intake really fucks with his anxiety levels, and he’d quite like to be able to maintain that healthy level.

Putting the cup down on the table again, he looks to his right, lifting his eyes towards the windows to gaze outside at passers-by. There are cars driving past on the roads that are covered in the damp from the rain they had in the middle of the night. The people on the pavements running past the large puddles still sitting on the roads so they don’t get splashed with mud and god knows what left on the road.

Roads full of people, they all seem like they have places to go and Dan doesn’t pity them, nor does he want to be them. He’s quite content in his small little bubble in this coffee shop not having anywhere to go immediately.

It’s quite comforting for him, in contrast to the busy week life he usually has.

He sighs again, returning his head back in front of him to his coffee cup, tightening his hand around it in preparation to lift it up to take another sip. He doesn’t even get it to his mouth before he is startled by a loud knocking on the window next to him.

When he looks up, he is faced with none other than Phil, the man who he spent an entire evening with trick or treating. He has a huge smile on his face and his hands wrapped around a few handles of shopping bags from various stores that Dan recognises as not being too far from here.

Phil stops knocking on the glass window when he notices Dan sees him and waves dramatically, like he is too excited to be bumping into Dan and Dan can’t help but smile at the sight. He ignores the butterflies fluttering through his stomach, radiating their way to his throat making him unable to speak.

He offers a small wave back, at a loss of what else to do in this scenario, when he watches Phil walk away. His heart sinks thinking that’s the end of their engagement but then he notices Phil walk through the shop front door and making his way to Dan’s table.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Phil says as he pulls out the chair opposite Dan and sits down on it. He has this huge smile across his face and Dan can’t place why, but he matches it all the same because he can’t help himself. He knows it’s the crush speaking but he’s going to let it have the front seat right now, he can worry about coming across too strong later.

“I could say the same thing.”

“What are you doing in town?” Phil asks casually as he pulls the chair next to him open a tad to put his bags of shopping next to him. He doesn’t take his wide eyes off of Dan the entire time, as if Dan has his complete attention.

“I just needed to get out of the house for a bit,” He shrugs. He doesn’t think the long winded answer of how he is too stressed to finish his deadlines in time and he couldn’t _stop_ thinking about a certain individual who has captured his attention. That would be too much for right now, potentially ever.

“Tell me about it,” Phil rolls his eyes. “You could have come invited me out with you, made a date of it.”

“A date?” Dan chokes with earns him a laugh from Phil. He covers his mouth out of embarrassment, but Phil doesn’t stop looking at him almost in awe. Definitely not in awe, Dan corrects himself.

“You know? Don’t you call going out with people a date nowadays?”

“Only if you’re wanting to date them,” Dan chuckles, the blush escaping his composure and spreading across his cheeks as he speaks. He prays that Phil has not noticed, but he doesn’t think that’s possible with the intense stare down that Phil is giving him.

There’s a small amount of silence lingering between them and Dan doesn’t think Phil is going to talk. He doesn’t though, instead he pushes the chair he’s sitting on back to get up. The scraping of the metal leg against the wood floor makes Dan automatically cringe and also smile, because it’s so very Phil.

“Do you want anything?”

“Are you staying?” Dan looks at him and frowns. He does not mean to, he’s just confused. He assumed that Phil came in to say hello and was going to be on his merry way again after a minute or two. He didn’t expect him to stay, but he would quite like him to.

“May as well,” Phil smiles for a second, before matching Dan’s small frown. “If that’s okay.”

“Another decaf caramel latte will be fine.”

That’s all Dan needs to say. He doesn’t think that he needs to dignify his answer with soppy words, his order is enough. Phil smiles widely as he nods, turning around to walk away to the opposite side of the store to order their drinks.

He knows he shouldn’t, but he can’t help but stare at Phil as he walks away. Not in a creepy way, definitely not in a creepy way but he’s a simple man who hasn’t had any serious feelings for anyone for a fair few years and he’s allowed to _look_ at someone he is crushing on.

He hadn’t noticed when Phil had been walking towards him, mainly because he had been confused and flustered looking at Phil’s face, but as Phil is standing in the queue he pans down and sees the rips in the jeans that he’s wearing, allowing his knees to be exposed.

And Dan can’t really look away from the seemingly soft, definitely milky skin that he can see, only allowing him to wonder about the skin on the rest of the body. Again, not in a creepy way. Just the skin around his ankles. The skin around his calves. The skin around his thighs. Definitely nothing any higher.

It’s when he looks up to Phil’s face that he definitely feels like a creep. He didn’t expect to see Phil staring right back at him, but instead of mirroring Dan’s face that is filled with definite embarrassment, Phil’s face has something else plastered across it. If Dan could accurately guess – if he wasn’t fuelled with sheer embarrassment – Phil’s face is a mixture of fondness and confusion. Like he doesn’t exactly know what Dan is staring at.

Phil looks down at his shoes with a smirk and shakes his head. It’s with this that Dan decides he can’t look anymore, grabbing his phone from his jean pocket and doing anything to distract himself.

Phil comes back before Dan has much time to awkwardly scroll down his phone and he places their two coffees on the table, both in mugs instead of takeout cups.

“What did you get?”

“A warm hot chocolate with double caramel shots and whipped cream,” He replies simply, as if that doesn’t sound like the most disgustingly sweet thing on Earth.

Phil sits back down on his seat and the smile that he saw in the queue hasn’t faltered.

“Of course, you did,” Dan laughs as he wraps his hand around his cup’s handle.

“What?!”

“You seem like the type to thoroughly enjoy sweet things,” Dan says through a smile.

“I don’t think you’ve one hundred per cent got me down there,” Phil chuckles as he pulls the chocolate chip cookie out of his pocket. He actually giggles then, and Dan is sure he hasn’t heard a more beautiful sound.

They take a few moments of silence to take sips of their drinks, basking in the mutually respected area around them. It’s not awkward. It should be awkward because they’ve only known each other less than twenty four hours, and Dan definitely shouldn’t feel the way he does about someone he’s known for that long.

“So, what are you doing here?” Dan changes the subject, at a loss of what else to do.

“Hanna’s birthday next week, need to be prepared,” Phil mumbles through a mouthful of cookie, moving his hand dramatically as if to tell himself to hurry up so he can speak properly. Dan shouldn’t find that adorable. It should be disgusting that Phil is speaking with his mouth full, god knows that he tells Alice to never do this enough, but he can’t help that he finds it endearing. It only draws him in further.

“How old is she?”

“Turning five,” Phil smiles, taking his phone out of his pocket to show Dan his lock screen. It’s a picture of Hanna holding a PlayStation controller staring at the television which is just off camera. Dan smiles at the photo, only because he knows he has a few similar of Alice himself. “It’s hard to believe that she’s _five_ next week. Time flies by almost too quickly.”

“Tell me about it,” Dan replies, leaning back in his chair so he is no longer sitting up straight, bringing the coffee mug with him in his hand and resting it gently against his chest. “Alice is six and I don’t know where the time has gone.”

“Wouldn’t change it for the world though,” Phil lets the words out gently, like he didn’t even have to think about what he was saying. “You never told me.”

“Told you what?” Dan looks at him and frowns, confusion sweeping his brain.

“Your story. Why you are here looking after Alice in London, alone.”

“I’m not alone,” Dan corrects.

“You know what I mean.”

“Kind of the same as you, I guess?” Dan frowns, tightening his grip around his new coffee mug. The previous one long discarded. “I had a girlfriend throughout university, and I thought I was in love, turns out I was just clinging onto any ounce of heterosexuality that I had left. I love Alice, don’t get me wrong, but her mum telling me she was pregnant was the worst thing to happen to my mind.”

“Like a wake up call?” Phil whispers, sounding hesitant to speak up and more seriously speak up incorrectly and harshly.

“Yeah,” Dan laughs, nodding because Phil couldn’t get it any more right. He looks down at his shoes under the table. He is resting them on the bar underneath the table, Phil mirroring the exact same position with his feet. They can almost touch, like children in a classroom playing footsie under the table. “The thought of living the rest of my life with a wife and kids, was the worst for me. I didn’t want a wife.”

“A husband?”

“Pretty much.”

“Same,” Phil says instantly, almost too casually that Dan almost misses the actual thing he says.

Dan shoots his head up then, pulling him out of some sort of trance. He didn’t really like talking about his past, not because he regretted anything as it got him Alice, but he hates talking about how much he hurt another person.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Phil replies, equally as soft and equally as fond.

The coffee that Phil brought is in normal coffee mugs, and Dan usually would complain about how long they are going to _have_ to stay in the shop for for him to finish it. But they stay that long anyway, because Phil finishes his at the same time.

~*~

If you had told Dan yesterday, after the trick or treating date with his neighbour two doors down, that he would be spending the following evening with that same man in their house. It turns out that their daughters went to the same school, so they picked them up together and it wasn’t even a question when Phil offered for Dan and Alice to stay at his for tea.

It’s not like they had to travel for ages to get home later.

He finds himself on the sofa beside Phil, with a little less space between them than is comfortable, but more space between them than he would like. They are sat cross legged opposite each other on the sofa, knees touching and if Dan moves an inch, he would basically be on top of Phil, although that isn’t a complaint.

“Are you even paying attention?” Phil laughs breathlessly and Dan has to take a moment to remember to breathe, due to the fact he can kind of feel Phil’s laugh against his skin, and to nod, answering the question.

“Of course, I am,” Dan lies, because he wasn’t paying any attention at all. Well, he was, but not to what Dan was saying, just to Phil.

“Tell me what I just said then,” Phil replies with a grin, ear to ear.

Dan tries to relay what Phil had been telling him, as best as he can, but nothing comes out and it takes him several attempts before he gives up. Phil laughs wholeheartedly at the sight of Dan acting all flustered and confused but Dan can’t find himself to feel embarrassed in front of Phil.

“What were you doing whilst I was talking to you anyway?” Phil grins.

Dan tries desperately to hold the words _your face is far too close to me and I was finding it difficult to look at anything other than the freckles on your skin and thinking about how I’d like to connect them all together like a child’s game of dot to dot_.

Instead, he just says, “Sorry, I’m a little tired. I think it’s the wine.”

“Yeah sorry, work night and all. I shouldn’t have offered,” Phil says, leaning to the side to wrap his hand around the wine glass and taking a sip, before putting it back down.

“No, it’s fine. Perks of being freelance.”

“What do you do?” Phil sounds shocked when he answers. Dan hopes that its not because he didn’t expect him to be successful enough to be self-employed, because that’s the stereotype that people have for self-employment. That you earn a lot of money and do a lot of things, yet Dan just does one half of those.

“I write.”

“Write what?”

“Just, books.”

“Any I may have read?”

“You’d know,” Dan chuckles. “You’d remember a book by Daniel Howell.”

“ _Daniel Howell_ ,” Phil repeats himself. “Pretty name.”

“You think?”

“Pretty name for a pretty person,” Phil whispers, almost like he doesn’t want Dan to hear. But Dan does hear, only just barely, and it makes him blush, although he doesn’t think Phil catches that.

It’s all of a sudden, at least to Dan, that everything feels a lot closer than before. As if, Dan blinked and Phil shuffled closer just a little so he could _be_ even closer to him, if that were even possible. Phil’s legs are no longer just skimming Dan’s but much rather they are resting on _top_ of his own. Phil is basically sitting on top of him at this point and Dan doesn’t feel anything but comfort.

It suddenly just feels like Dan and Phil against the world. That there is no one in the world apart from them, existing together.

But then there’s a loud scream coming from upstairs where Alice and Hanna are and that brings Dan back to Earth almost instantly.

“Do you think they are okay?” Dan jumps at the opportunity to change the subject to absolutely anything but his beating thoughts. He forces a short laugh as he scoots back a couple of inches, inches that feels like the miles distance that he needs to come back down to normality.

He reaches for his wine and takes a long gulping sip.

“I think they are fine; Hanna is probably forcing her to play dress up,” Phil chuckles, reaching for his own wine too and mirroring Dan’s movements.

“Alice would be loving that.”

“The perfect pair, then,” Phil says, and Dan’s brain can't help but think of the fact that Phil could possibly not be just talking about them both.

Phil jumps off of the sofa, maybe a little too quick for Dan’s liking, and makes his way to his television, grabbing the remote before sitting back down alongside Dan. He sits closer than where he left but there’s enough space between them for Dan to feel on edge.

“Thought we could watch something for an hour or two?”

“Sure, anything. I don’t mind.”

Phil uses the remote to turn his television on and opens up Netflix. He doesn’t even hesitate before he begins scrolling the Halloween section and finally selecting the Corpse Bride.

“Sorry, I’m a sucker for movies like this,” Phil says almost embarrassed, fiddling with a loose strand in the rips in his jeans. Those damn rips exposing that skin.

Dan just smiles and nods, encouraging Phil to press play on the movie. He doesn’t have the heart to tell Phil that he watched this a few nights ago with Alice, but he will happily watch it again so there’s no bother.

His eyes flicker towards Phil who is pulling a blanket from the side of his sofa. He tries to not allow his eyes to linger too much at Phil’s lower back, a small slither of skin exposed from the way Phil is stretching.

“Is this okay?” He says gently, halting his arms movement with two corners of the blanket in each hands grasp. Dan nods softly allowing Phil to drape the blanket over him, and he watches as Phil does the same for himself.

They are _underneath_ a blanket together. Oddly intimate because some people would class this as cuddling. But they are definitely not. Not at all.

The majority of the movie passes by without too much anxiety from Dan. Yes, they are under a blanket together and their bodies are pressed together almost flush, but Dan is trying not to think about it all too much.

“Do you feel sorry for Emily throughout all of this?”

“Of course? What do you mean?” Phil turns to look at him for a second, just for a second before he looks back at the television to focus on the movie.

“I mean, she is a bit naïve to think that Victor would choose her over Victoria, a literal living human. But it’s sad like all she wants is love?” Dan continues his point. He does feel both sides of this story. Victor deserves to marry someone who he truly loves, because that is what marriage is about, but likewise to Emily, she deserves that too. But Victor isn’t the person that Emily loves, and never would be.

It’s kind of ironic how much that is a parallel to Dan’s own life.

“And she deserved it,” Phil says softly, shaking Dan from his own thoughts before they got too deep.

“Well yeah but not from Victor.”

“She deserved better than someone who didn’t want her.”

“Exactly,” Dan says, turning to look at Phil. His eyes flicker towards Phil’s lips and back up in a second, hoping that Phil didn’t notice. His head is swimming with a stupid amount of alcoholic wine that he shouldn’t have drunk, but he’s only technically had two glasses full and he _swears_ / that he could stomach way more than that.

“Do you reckon you’ve ever felt love like that? Like how Emily thought she felt for Victor?” Phil continues the conversation. He says it too harshly and too quickly, like it’s been sitting on his tongue for a few minutes, waiting for any moment to let it out. Dan isn’t sure why.

“I don’t know,” He shrugs, because truth be told, he isn’t sure. He thought he had in the past, but then one thing proved to him that he has never felt that.

“Me neither,” Phil replies, yet again like it’s been sitting on his tongue for a while. Like he knew his own reply before Dan even offered his, and he can’t quite decide whether that’s a comforting thing or whether it’s just sad. “I’d like to at some point though. But more genuine, not like how she loved.”

“Like requited?”

“Yeah. Real requited love. I think I’d like that.”

“Me too,” Dan smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy monday everyone :) idk if you have noticed but i've added this into a series, upon finishing the last chapter last night i realised i actually /really/ liked writing this and i'd like to add more in the future?? maybe not like a full 100k masterpiece but maybe some lil one shots here and there when i want to reconnect with this story :) 
> 
> i've always wanted to write parent!phan and i decided to very last minute and i really enjoyed it, i don't want to let go just yet hahaha


	3. Chapter 3

A few days pass in between Dan and Phil’s next encounter, because each of them are busy with different things – whether that be parenting or just their day to day life getting in the way. The only benefit is that Dan managed to pluck up the courage to exchange numbers on that night, before he and Alice left to go home.

And they have been nonstop texting since then.

_Dan: knock knock_

_Phil: who’s there_

_Dan: europe_

_Phil: europe who?_

_Phil: go away_

_Dan: LMAOOO_

_Phil: I have the power, that’s all I’m going to say_

_Dan: are you really flirting with me over dms?_

_Phil: definitely not, I’d never do that?_

_Dan: kinda seems like you did bub_

_Phil: bub? now who is flirting with who?_

_Dan: don’t flatter yourself_

_Dan: bub_

_Phil: you can't see but im rolling my eyes at you_

_Phil: hey are you still awake?_

_Dan: it’s just after 10pm of course I am_

_Phil: idk what to wear tomorrow_

_Dan: well, what are you doing tomorrow??_

_Phil: I have a big meeting at work, and I can't decide between the penguin tie or the cat tie_

_Dan: really phil?_

_Phil: really really_

_Dan: ok first, do not. ever again. And second, cat tie is pretty cute_

_Phil: cat tie it is then_

_Phil: cute tie for a cute man_

_Dan: you were really fishing here_

_Phil: I would never_

Dan feels yet again, like a child texting their crush. Giggling at every opportunity and it is embarrassing, but luckily no one is around him whilst he texts Phil. Apart from his daughter, but she doesn’t really understand the concept of smiling like an idiot at your mobile phone and what that means.

Luckily for him.

“What are we doing today?” Alice chats playfully, singing it as if it’s a song whilst she eats her breakfast of cornflakes and almond milk, her legs dangling off the side of the chair dancing to the background noise of the radio playing.

It is what they do every morning. Dan always makes sure that they have breakfast together, anything that Alice wants because Dan is very easy when it comes to breakfast type meals. Alice picks the food, and they both eat it together talking about nothing in particular – usually about what Alice is going to face at school on that day. Today is the weekend though, so Alice doesn’t have school and Dan does not technically have work either.

He does have that deadline for that work that he promised 

“I’m not sure, bub. What do you want to do?”

“Can we go to Hanna’s?” Alice mumbles through her mouthful of cereal. She decides that she’s done after this and throws her spoon onto the dining table and looks at Dan with a smile on her face, almost like she knows.

“Uhh, I’m not sure if they are busy or not today?” Dan frowns, playing with the spoon in his cereal as he speaks. He knows he should not, not in front of Alice, because he always tells her to stop playing with her food, but he doesn’t want to look at her. She’s a child and more importantly his own child, but he always feels so incredibly seen, like she knows way too much.

“Hanna said they never really do anything on weekends other than movie nights.”

“Oh,” Dan thinks, startled at Alice’s quick reply. “I don’t think we should impose.”

“You could text him?” She says all giddy jumping in her seat slightly. Dan gives her a look then, and she quickly settles down without needing to be scolded too much. She shyly laughs as she stares at him a little while longer expecting him to speak. Of course, she is her child.

“I don-“

“I know you text him all the time, daddy,” She smiles, and Dan cannot help but chuckle.

“Right.”

“You should text him that you love him very much and would like to go and spend time with him,” She says simply, like the word love doesn’t have any strength like it would for an adult, or even a person that is a little bit older than her.

It almost makes him feel bad, because of the way she sees love, with it being something you give to everyone you enjoy the company of. And she doesn’t and won't understand how much of a wider meaning that would have on her life until she’s much older, or maybe she never will – that’s fine too.

She also doesn’t understand just how close that word is to fitting Dan’s current predicament. It’s not like he _loves_ Phil, not in the slightest. He’s on his way though.

“I don’t know about that,” Dan says, blushing and grabbing his mobile phone from his pocket and opening the text thread between him and Phil.

The last text that he got from Phil was from last night, when they both struggled to sleep and decided to watch an episode of Doctor Who together. Probably not the best episode to watch when you want to go to sleep because it is horrifying but they enjoyed it together all the same.

It had been Dan’s idea, because of course, he has no shame in wanting to ask Phil on a Netflix party date that is only defined a date by one member.

_Phil: isn’t it a little spooky that peter capaldi and karen gillan are both in this episode and they are in later seasons_

_Dan: i mean it is a lil weird.. I think peter more so_

He smiles remembering that he assumed Phil didn’t reply to him because he had fallen asleep and that that was quite possibly the cutest thing he’s ever experienced.

He shakes his head, shaking off the smile before Alice points it out and sends Phil a quick text.

_Dan: good morning sleepy head! alice is demanding to come over and play w hanna is that okay? are u free today?_

He pockets his phone and pushes his chair back with his butt to get up, picking up both of their cereal bowls to place them in the sink before spinning around on his heels to face his daughter.

“Okay mucky pup, let’s go get ready for the day.”

~*~

It turns out that Phil is, in fact, free, but he doesn’t mention that to Alice until they are both completely ready in fear that she would refuse to get ready properly to run to Phil’s immediately, leaving Dan no time to look his cutest.

_Phil: im not a sleepy head and YES, we are free we were going to have a pyjama day, but you are more than welcome to join :)_

About an hour after the text had been sent, they are both ready. Ashamedly Dan taking longer than his own daughter, who spent most of the time sitting in the lounge watching random shows on the television.

He spends an awful amount of time deciding on an outfit embarrassingly. It isn’t like it’s a date, so he doesn’t have to put anything fancy on, just something casual, but he still wants to look cute. He pulls out clothes upon clothes until he ends up with a black knitted jumper that makes him feel like a teddy bear and a pair of ripped jeans that the rips go up to his thigh.

It’s a bit risqué for a casual afternoon at Phil’s but he said he wanted to look cute, and cute he feels.

Now, they are both standing outside Phil’s house and it is certain that only one of them is actually nervous. The other jumping up and down bouncing with excitement, and that isn’t Dan.

It’s half a beat before the door swings open and Dan is faced with an extraordinary smiley Phil, he isn’t sure how one person could be a literal ray of sunshine, but Phil seems to prove it. Alice doesn’t waste a second before running in the small slither of a gap that Phil left between him and the door frame and makes her way upstairs, not even acknowledging Phil as she screams Hanna’s name to announce her arrival.

“I’m so sorry for her,” Dan chuckles as the pair of them watch her wander off into the house. They both look at each other in sync and that sunshine smile comes back across Phil’s face, and Dan’s could bet all of his life savings on the fact he is mirroring it.

“It’s okay. It’s good that she treats this place like home,” Phil shrugs, still smiling as he steps backwards to allow Dan an invitation in.

He accepts it, shuffling in through the gap that Phil accommodated for him and stepping foot into the house, toeing his shoes off instantly as he does. He didn’t plan for socks stupidly so he feels slightly embarrassed that he’s barefoot in the man that he has a huge crush on’s house, but that moment quickly passes to the back of his brain when he follows Phil into his house properly.

Phil takes him to the kitchen and Dan watches as he flicks on the kettle before turning around to look at Dan, raising his eyebrows as he speaks.

“Want a drink?”

“What you got?”

“We have some Nescafe coffee in? Or some Yorkshire tea?”

Dan grimaces. How could he develop a crush on a man who drinks instant coffee?

“Surprise me,” Dan smiles anyway as he takes the opportunity to sit on one of the breakfast bar stools in front of Phil. Once he is sat, Phil leans forward and rests his arms against the kitchen surface opposite Dan. It feels far too intimate for this early in the day, this early in their day together, but Dan does not pull away.

“What are the plans for today then, Lester?”

“Well I think Hanna and Alice are sorted, we probably won’t hear from them until they are starving,” Phil laughs, moving away as the kettle clicks announcing that the water is completely boiled.

Phil grabs two mugs out of the cupboard above the kettle, from Dan’s eyesight the two mugs are patterned very similar with one being a generic pride rainbow and the other being a flag Dan is aware of but not sure on, colours blue, green and white wrapped around the mug.

Phil fills the mugs up with water and throws teaspoon after teaspoon of the coffee granules in and a splash of milk. Once he is done, he hands Dan the rainbow mug full of coffee and Dan offers a small nod in appreciation and takes a sip.

“What flag is that?” Dan nods to the mug that Phil is holding in his hand, returning to rest against the kitchen island that Dan is sitting at.

“It’s the men loving men one? It’s a blanket term flag for all male-aligned people who also like men,” Phil says simply as he takes a sip.

“And that’s you?” Dan says, and then cringes like that is some sort of rude question he shouldn’t be asking. He knows Phil is attracted to men already.

“Yep, I almost gave you this one, but I know you don’t label yourself and I didn’t know how to feel about that term?”

“That’s sweet,” Dan smiles warmly up at Phil as he takes another sip, and Phil copies him. “But for future reference, I wouldn’t hate if you gave me that mug.”

“So, you’ll be here another time?” Phil sounds hopeful as he speaks, and it makes Dan blush.

“You think Alice would let me live if I didn’t come here again?”

“Right,” Phil sounds deflated.

“And I’d come here regardless of Alice to see you,” Dan continues, reaching his hand out to rest it on Phil’s bicep. He rubs small circles on Phil’s skin a few times before drawing his hand away, in fear of being _too much_.

“Okay,” Phil smiles into his mug. He probably thinks that he is hiding himself, but Dan can see.

There are a few beats of silence when each of them just drinks their coffee and it’s not awkward. Dan’s brain keeps telling him that it _should_ be. It should be awkward. They barely know each other. Alas, what his brain tries to tell him and how his brain actually feels is miles different and they just sit there in casual silence until Phil places his mug down, assumedly empty, and just looks at Dan.

“What do you want to do for a few hours until it’s food time?”

“We just had breakfast back home, I can’t be thinking about food now.”

“I’m always thinking about food,” Phil whines, smile on his face still apparent. “Follow me. I can show you something fun.”

~*~

Fun results in them both lying on the sofa in Phil’s lounge taking it in turns to play games they both played as children on Phil’s switch. Phil, taking the most action, and Dan curled up in the corner of the sofa with a blanket draped over him. Phil put it there and Dan wasn’t going to deny any of this comfort, and especially not the comfort being given to him by Phil.

They had played their fair share of Donkey Kong, with Dan completing most of the levels and Phil sighing about how Dan has very clearly played this game before. Dan complains that that is the _whole point_ but Phil doesn’t have any of it, switching the game to Animal Crossing so he can show Dan his island.

It’s a whole mess. It’s a cute Phil mess, but there’s no order and pattern to anything, with island resident homes just thrown across the map with no rhyme nor reason. Phil says it should be endearing and Dan doesn’t disagree but still doesn’t admit that when he whines about it hurting his eyes for the fourth time since Phil opened the game.

They eventually play Super Mario Bros and Phil is a lot better at this game than Dan, so Dan allows him to show him how to play and have more of a control over the controller and gameplay. Dan doesn’t mind because he’s just grateful for being here and taking in Phil’s casual energy.

Dan looks over at Phil, muttering to himself repeatedly as he tries desperately to beat this level of Super Mario Bros. He tries to ignore the little wiggle in his chest as he watches Phil’s reaction to beating the level that he had died in several times.

Phil throws the controller onto the coffee table in front of them and raises his hands in the air to celebrate the victory. Dan doesn’t think Phil could be any cuter than this moment, but the raising of the hands causes Phil’s t-shirt to rise up his stomach a tad, and Dan’s thought process decides to change.

Phil is still positively adorable, but Dan cannot think of anything other than kissing him.

“What?” Phil says, quirking his lip into a smirk as he stares back at Dan. Dan can’t help but feel embarrassed about being caught out.

“Nothing!”

“You were staring,” Dan can basically hear the teasing ooze off of Phil’s tone and he wants to smack it out of his voice. But of course, he isn’t going to lay a hand on Phil in a violent matter – he meant metaphorically.

“Was not.”

“Was too.”

“Are you a child now?” Phil raises his one eyebrow in questioning.

“You started it!” Dan shrieks, only because the questioning eyebrow makes him want to scream, but he’s an adult. He isn’t going to scream.

“Never.”

Dan groans, pulling the blanket from his lap and pulling it over his head to hide his face. He knows he is blushing from acting like an absolute child suddenly and he is going to bask in it until he has no other opportunity to voice his feelings and opinions.

“Definitely mature, Dan.”

Dan’s only response is silence.

“I know why you’re acting up and you really don’t need to,” Phil sings in a teasing tone and Dan rolls his eyes almost reactively. He feels the sofa move beside him and that’s his only guess to know that Phil is moving around.

Dan doesn’t respond again.

“I guess I’m talking to myself here.”

Dan breathes out aggressively, causing the blanket to move against his breath. That was the only reaction Phil was going to get from him.

He feels Phil’s leg stroke his thigh as Phil brings his leg up from the floor and Dan guesses that Phil is crossing his legs on the sofa, facing him, but he can't be sure.

“Stop trying to figure me out.”

“Huh?”

“I can see your brain is working a million miles this last hour. It’s not healthy,” Phil says softly, and it takes everything for Dan to not pull the blanket from his head. Phil does it for him though, Dan refuses to look in his direction though, because he is _that_ much of a teenager with a crush, feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed.

Phil rests his hand on Dan’s thigh, where the blanket lies and Dan still doesn’t say anything, even though he wants more than anything to place his own hand on top of Phil’s.

“I’m aware you need to know everything to feel comfortable but if you could just be patient for two seconds in your life and stop stressing over things that don’t need to be stressed about.”

Dan turns his head to look at Phil and much to his (lack of) surprise, Phil is looking right back at him. Time seems to go by slowly for a few minutes, or a few seconds, that is what Dan isn’t sure of. He is trying to find anything, absolutely anything, in those bright blue eyes of Phil’s and when he finds nothing other than what he _knows_ he is feeling too.

It wasn’t there before, otherwise, Dan wouldn’t have stressed so much. But in this low early afternoon light, it’s so transparent and obvious to Dan. Nothing could hide in those fond eyes, creased at the sides to show eyes that are smiling.

“Unless I’ve not this very wrong, you don’t need to be stressing and acting like a child.”

It’s almost like Phil reads his mind, knowing exactly all he wants with his brain chanting _kiss me, kiss me, kiss me_ because Phil reaches his one hand outward onto Dan’s cheek. All Dan can do is sit there and accept it because his mouth has almost glued shut, and even if he opened it, he is sure words wouldn’t _actually_ come out.

It’s when Phil glides his hand up from Dan’s cheek to his ear, combing his fingers through the curls and brushing them behind his ear, that Dan can’t help but lean in closer. He does it slowly enough that he knows Phil could back out if he wanted to, but Dan’s naivety aside, he doesn’t think Phil is going to pull away.

“You’re so beautiful,” Phil whispers, with an innocent smile on his face. Like Dan has caught him in a trance, unable to think of anything else other than Dan. If Dan had the ability to speak without croaking out and making a fool of himself.

Phil moves his hand back onto his cheek, and Dan’s too afraid to move again. There’s something in Phil’s eyes, like he was trying to read Dan’s mind and understand what he wants.

“Phil,” Dan finally whispers and he’s sure it’s almost a whimper. He’s breathy and almost cringeworthy. Dan knows that afterwards, he’s going to be lying in bed trying to sleep thinking about how he sounded, but right now he doesn’t seem to care.

He feels his cheeks warm up anyway, scattered across with a dusty rose pink series of blotches. The fanning of Phil’s soft warm breath against his lips forces him to begin to part his lips to allow Phil to meet him in the middle and Phil does exactly that.

He meets him, closing the gap and pressing his lips gently against his own.

There’s a moment where it’s soft and gentle, and then Phil pulls away forcing Dan to think it’s over all too quickly, but then Phil draws back in and is far more insistent and demanding. Dan melts immediately, sinking into the sensation and letting himself get lost in the feeling of Phil’s lips on top of his.

Their mouths move in a slow rhythm but there’s also some intense _want_ there, because Dan’s stomach is flipping over, and his heart is as equally swooping and beating dramatically in his chest. He just _wants_ this, and he wants more too but he can’t do anything but feel weak against Phil’s mouth because Phil is so fucking determined to ruin Dan in this moment.

A quiet moan escapes Dan’s lips, it is almost like a whimper all high pitched and grumbly, completely muffled by Phil’s mouth. The moan causes Dan’s lip to part and Phil takes advantage of that opportunity, slipping his tongue between Dan’s lips.

Dan responds almost immediately, if he wasn’t kissing Phil, he would feel nervous that he is being far too eager, but he _is_ kissing Phil and he can't feel anything other than this.

Phil pulls away, lingering slightly just in front of Dan with parted lips and Dan just takes him in. His lips are swollen with the impact, and both of their breaths ragged from the lack of oxygen between them both.

“Holy shit,” Dan mutters.

“Yeah,” Phil replies, his voice coming out all breathless and weak, and Dan’s grateful it isn’t just him. His hands fall from Dan’s cheeks and come to rest on Dan’s thighs, that are turning to the direction that Phil is.

Their empty mugs sit in front of them on the coffee table, and even then, when they had those mugs of coffee seems like ages ago. Almost months.

He takes a proper look at Phil and there’s that annoying smile back on his face, like Phil is proud of himself for something. Dan doesn’t want to even know what he looks like to cause Phil to smile like that.

“I told you,” That damn smile coming through with every single letter.

“Oh, fuck off,” Dan scoffs.

Phil just giggles in response, moving forward to place a gentle, delicate kiss on Dan’s lips again before pulling away finally and settling back in the sofa again.

~*~

That evening feels years away from where Dan is today.

He’s standing in the hallway of an impressive building in a suit. A nice suit, black skinny trousers with a black thin knitted jumper tucked in, a little bit oversized so it isn’t fitted completely to Dan’s body embarrassingly revealing every inch of Dan’s body, with a loose black blazer with the sleeves rolled up.

He hasn’t felt attractive in months, having spent months in his office in front of his computer finishing this god damn book, but today he genuinely feels just that.

But that aside, he finished it. He spent months, almost a year, on this book and he’s so thankful that it’s done. And now he’s a man with five books under his belt before he is even thirty. He talks negatively about himself all the time but even he can’t deny that’s an achievement.

“You all ready to go?” Louise speaks him out of his trance, the trance that resulted in him peeking from behind a curtain in an attempt to try and locate everyone he cares about. He can see his mother walking down the middle pathway, assumedly to find her seat. He can see his grandmother sitting down in one of the seats in the middle of the rows, that’s probably where his mother is heading. He can see a few work colleagues that he doesn’t really associate with but invited, nonetheless.

“Yeah, uh? Is everyone there?” Dan says, biting his lip as he peaks one more time around the curtain to have a good look. He gets promptly pulled back from behind the curtain with a hand around his bicep from Louise.

“If by everyone you mean Phil, then yes,” Louise rolls her eyes.

“I meant everyone,” Dan groans.

“Don’t like to me Howell, I know you mean just Phil.”

Louise turns around and walks towards the table with a pile of Dan’s books on. He follows her when she has one in her hand and is flicking through the pages with a smile on her face.

“I’m very proud of you, Daniel,” She says as she closes the book up and places it back on the pile.

“Thank you,” Dan says shyly. The person on the stage begins talking about him and he can just about hear everything going on on stage. He always feels a bit awkward at this point.

_”This remarkable novel about discovering your sexuality whilst dealing with your own troubling mental health is written by Daniel Howell. This is the fifth book that he has written after qualifying from University of Manchester with a bachelor’s degree in psychology – very impressive.”_

“Now get out there,” She pushes him towards the curtain again, and watches as he stumbles to the

~*~

Dan and stage talking doesn’t really have anything positive to correlate and honestly, he always hates when he has to go on stage in front of gradually increasing numbers of people to talk about his own feelings and opinions about his writing. But that being said, this was the easiest one yet.

When he walked out on stage, he had been met with cheers and applause like usual but something was different, he had his own personal hype group in the crowd – his daughter Alice, his boyfriend Phil and his daughter Hanna.

A perfect trio, in Dan’s humble opinion.

He spoke calmly, looking around occasionally but definitely locking his eyes on Phil for the entire time and before he knew it, it was over and he was on the floor with the entire crowd engaging in more intimate conversations with everyone.

He spoke to another novelist who was keen to get Dan’s email in the interest to work on a project together in the future. Dan wasn’t about to reject that from someone who he had been looking up to for inspiration since he first began writing.

But now, he is sitting at a table with the people he only really cares about being here, deep down.

“So, when were you going to tell me about this dashing young man then?” His grandmother says across the table, smiling at Phil and then Dan as she speaks.

“Sorry, this is my boyfriend, Phil and his daughter Hanna,” Dan supplies, placing his hand on Phil’s shoulder as he introduces them. He feels a sense of pride when he places his hand on Phil’s shoulder, and he can’t place it, but he really thinks it’s something to do with how far he’s come.

He would never have dreamed of being this affectionate in public with a man, even if it is just a gentle hand on a shoulder. He would love to run back in time to tell younger Dan about this.

“And I’m Alice!”

“Yes bubs, she knows who you are,” Dan laughs as he runs his hand through her hair. She is sitting on his lap, where she usually sits at events like this because she would rather cuddle up with her dad rather than sit in her own seat. Phil is sitting next to him, with Hanna on his own lap too. Quite a pair of dads.

“Nice to meet you,” Phil says, reaching over and offering his hand to Dan’s grandmother, who gladly takes it and shakes it softly.

“I’m glad my grandson has found someone who makes him very happy. He seems it with you,” She continues singing Phil’s praises, which causes them both to blush, but Dan recovers quicker and chuckles, looking over at Phil in a silent agreement to his grandmother’s words because Phil making him happy is definitely the understatement of the year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi happy halloweeen everyone !!! and blessed samhain if you celebrate it <3  
> i really enjoyed writing this, it made me very happy so i hope you guys all enjoyed reading it just as much :3
> 
> i don't think i'm going to add to this au for a while, because i am focusing on _baby if you wanna try_ and i'm also beginning to plan a new chaptered fic that i may bring out soon.. idk i want at least a few more chapters written before i post that.. BUT i will bring this au back at some point. the occasional one shots?? maybe??? maybe another lil chaptered fic. i just really like writing dnp in different aus and this was one of them :D

**Author's Note:**

> hiiii happy 19th october to u all <3 this is a super short fic idea that i had. i wasn't originally going to post today but i decided (literally yesterday and yes i spent all day writing this) i wanted to! and i wanted to make a short chaptered fic for once rather than my usual long ones.
> 
> the schedule is a little different but i plan to post chapter 2 sunday/monday (25/26th) and then the final chapter on halloween (31st) <3


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